It's Entertaining

to see all these fools/bitches I know from Las Vegas kill one another . I got out last year, waaaay before things could've gotten any worse . Nobody else can see what the fuck is in the future . . but I know one thing's for certain : these people don't have any clue about L O Y A L T Y .

And I happen to have A LOT of knowledge on everything happenin' around 'em . . ha . I'm just not openning my mouth cuz it's fun to see 'em backstab/kill one another .

-M.C.

I Have Grown Accustomed To

thinkin' someday . . it's NOT my enemy that's gon' kill me . . it's my OWN fuckin' friends/loved ones that will do it .

-M.C.

2009 Memories

Funny how so many things changed within just a year; friends, financial structure, location, clothes, taste in music, motivations/dreams, etc . I know it's still a little early to recap 2009 (at least to me) as there are still about 3 weeks 'til 2010 . But I think it's safe to summarize 2009 as the year comes to an end .

I would definitely say 2009 was a real roller coaster ride . . so much to be thankful/happy/smile about (family/friends that remain) and so much to be mad/sad/negative about (I don't even wanna mention 'em) .

2009 showed me who my true friends are . All of 'em changed . Some changed for the better . . some changed for the worse . . some reminded me why I still ride with them to this day . . some showed me why I don't need 'em in my life anymore .

A lot of drama happened starting within inside my own family, education, financial structure . . then you know, my old friends too . I can't stress enough how big of a roll of my 'friends' (new friends, old friends, ex-friends) played in the year 2009 .

Funny how I look at pictures and it clearly shows what changed in my life . . That's why I keep old pictures and never stop constantly taking new pictures . To show the recap of the years that passed, the current year, and the years that'll come in the future .

Wow, 2009 . . what a year .

-M.C.

New Mission

So today, the Fall Semester is finally ending . Yesterday was the 'final' day for my Art class (though, we still have to meet on Monday to turn in and critique our final project) . It saddens me that my art class is finally ending to be honest . This class was really hard on the real but I enjoyed it; I can actually say I learned a lot goin' into this class and my teacher was a really cool individual . Today will be my final day at school 'til Janruary 18th (when the Spring Semester starts) and I just need to finish my Philosophy class (another class I really enjoyed) .

It sucks because I don't think I'll be taking neither of those classes I mentioned above . Philosophy has always been my thing . . and of course, especially, ART . I'm not takin' Philosophy again next semester because I'm not required to take it . But art is a different subject . . I CAN take another art class but according to my counselor . . the art class I wanted is full so I'll just have to wait after spring . But there IS another art class that I can take but it has nothin' to do with drawing; just some history on art . . so even if I do take that art class, I won't be improvin' my drawing .

But anyways, I been thinkin' these past few weeks . . I REALLY need to get my career goin' on . I need to grab it . . nothin' is free/handed in this world . So I decided I'm goin' to start lookin' for tattoo apprenticeship around town . Problem is : I don't know anyone who does it free in town . . but still, I'ma start lookin' around .

My winter break is pretty long . . a month to be exact . I doubt I'll be gettin' any jobs soon because none of these muthafuckas I've applied for has callled me back so I decided, hey, what the fuck, if I'ma end up not gettin' hired, I'ma just look for apprenticeship . . so that way, even though I'm dead broke, I'll be learning about tattooing . So yea, since my winter break is long . . I'ma spend my time drivin' around lookin' for free apprenticeship . . hopefully someone will do it for free (because I heard you have to pay lots of money for that shit O.o) .

It's not gon' be easy though . . so along with apprenticeship hunting, I'ma spend my time really practicing my drawings and building a portfolio I can show to tattoo artists and maybe . . JUST MAAAYBE . . someone will be kind enough to take me as their apprentice .

-M.C.

Still The Best

-M.C.

I Needa Stop

Smokin' weed . These past few sessions I been havin' with the homies has got me trippin' like a muthafucka . . O.o

-M.C.

Either Too Much Or Never Enough

You know what I noticed about girls ? You're an asshole regardless of what you do . Naw, I'm not tryna say no names . I'm just sayin' what I've noticed . They'll just make you feel like shit no matter what you do; it's either too much or never enough for them .

I've noticed that trend for girls from all types of ethnicities (I know enough from talkin' to Hispanic, Black, White, and Asian girls to know the differences . . AND similarities ) . From all the girls I've talked to, I either a) didn't show enough love/never gave a fuck or had a "player" image or b) I just cared too much/showed way more than I should be doin' or had a "clingy" image . Whatever it is, these females, I swear, are NEVER satisfied . Maybe it's my fault I don't know how to balance shit out . . but hey, I try my best all the time . So WORK WITH ME haha .

And I'm not just speakin' about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships . . even with havin' friendship with females had driven me insane before . I KNOW I'm not the only nigga out there who knows what the fuck I'm sayin'/writin' about though . . But yeah, females : sometimes, I really don't get 'em .

-M.C.

New Me ?

Lately . . I been findin' out or it seems like people are really comin' out with their real opinions on/with me . And most of it are negative . And those thoughts towards me changed/is changin' me (I feel it) . . in a positive way actually . I know it doesn't make sense . .

But yea, I feel like it's positive because I seem to not give a fuck more now . Like people can say negative things about me and I just ACCEPT IT . No hard feelings at all . I believe everyone has their own opinion and apparently, I just let 'em think what they want about me .

I don't know, I guess I'm more careless now . . more careless than I've ever been ; I seem to care less even with opinions that are comin' from people I love most . I mean, if people got negative thoughts about me, oh well, I just accept it and let it go cuz I'm not gon' sit here and get butt-hurt about it or try to change their thoughts . So at the end of the day, it's all good :) I like honesty out of every thing . Hah .

If you think I'm a bad person . . oh well . That's your opinion . I know myself .

"Fuck what you heard about me . . cuz most of it is probably true ."
-Anonymous

-M.C.

Needa Get Back On My Grind . .

"A lot of things in my life went wrong, but still, I live for tomorrow cuz life goes on"

-Funky DL

Damn that was my 2008 motto . . I needa get back on that shit . I was soo positive throughout that year . . even with all the bullshit that happened, I was never too down . I've let the negatives of 2009 get me soo bad . .

I lost my step somewhere so I'ma turn around and take it back . Ha .
That line/rhyme by Funky DL never fails to keep my head up .

-M.C.

Somethin' To Think About

"you gotta do some bad sometimes in order to do good"

hmmm . .


-M.C.

Failed

So I found out last night from one of my classmates I didn't get hired at Target (he works there) . . I don't know, kinda put me hella down to be real . I thought I'd finally have a fuckin' job but I guess not . . damn back to job hunting .

ps: so much for tryna keep my system clean in case I get drug tested -__-

-M.C.

2009

"I'm 'posed to enjoy this shit, but it's quite clear .
The last 12 months been a fuckin' a nightmare ."


-The Game


Let's see what's up with 2010

-M.C.

I Hate

Feelin' unaccomplished or unproductive .

Lately, I feel like my days have been contaminated by both .

Even when I do somethin' throughout the day, I still feel unsatisfied .

Ugh .

-M.C.

Target Job Interview

So today when I got home from school, I got a call from Target . They said they looked at my application and would like to talk to me tomorrow . The lady who called me said to go at 11:30 [a.m.] tomorrow for the job interview .

Damn, I was sooo excited cuz FINALLY, someone from places I applied for, calls me back ! But it's kinda makin' me hella nervous too . First, I havn't had a job interview since like May or June [at Holister haha] . Second, I've NEVER had a job so it's like FUCK, I don't really have any experience . . and third, it's NOT a guarantee I'll get the job .

But foreal though . . I'm pretty excited overall . I HOPE I get the job . Sick and tired of this recession bullshit and not gettin' no goddamn money . . TIME TO MAKE CA$H

-M.C.

New Philosophy/Motto

"We livin' in Hell, [but] waitin' on Heaven, but you don't know, so
might as well try to accept it, go with the flow, oh .
THIS LIFE WILL NEVER CHANGE .
Rather than try to fix it, I'm goin' to do my thang .
Try to continue livin' .
Seems like . . we'll never see hope . You know . .
So we screamin', "THIS LIFE WILL NEVER CHANGE ."
Rather than try to fix it, I'm goin' to do my thang .
Try to continue livin' ."

[Lyrics from K. Dot's song "I Need That"]

Yup, that's how I'ma try to run with life now . .

-M.C.

Back In The Dayz : 8th Grade Friend

Isn't it crazy how things can change dramatically within a short period of time ? Like friendship can change within just ONE YEAR .

I just remembered one of my good friends from 8th grade, Kylee Heurkins . And saw recent pictures of her . It kinda just brought back memories from back in the days . Although I don't know her at all now [personality-wise], to me, she's one of the dopest people I have ever met in my life .

I say that, because first, around the time, I was sorta stereotypical towards White kids . I always thought all White kids were stuck-up, snobby-ass, spoiled kids who didn't talk to anyone but their kind or people who were only popular . I don't know, but to me, she changed my opinion on White kids (not completely, but she still changed my mind) .

I don't remember exactly how we met but I do remember sittin' around her . I think we started talkin' because at the time, she was on a dance team with my ex-girlfriend (so I guess through mutual friend) . Once we started talkin' more, WOW I was sooo surprised of how nice she was . Like you gotta understand, Kylee is a freakin' WHITE GIRL (haha), like espcially back then, she looked like a preppy White girl to me . And my style back then was straight-up ghetto/gangsta (hahah oh god . .), so you know, I didn't expect her to be that cool towards me .

She was the chillest girl I knew from Rosemont (our middle school), and she was real popular with A LOT of people . I actually didin't realize how popular she was 'til the end of school year when I started noticing the crowd she hung with and how many people who knew her . And you gotta understand, the way I saw things at Rosemont, 98% of the people there were stuck-up, snobby, spoiled kids . . so it totally surprised me .

The very next year, we didn't talk/hung as much anymore cuz I guess we didn't have any classes together and we belonged in two different crownds/groups (her with the cheerleaders/jocks/popular kids; me with the Hispanics and some of 'em gangbanged) . It kinda saddens me to this day how our friendship never stayed the same because yeah, she was hella cool .

I think what changed our friendship other than us talkin'/hangin' out less, is HER friends and I . I just didn't really click with them whatsoever (I doubt she even knows this) . It's funny because I was ONCE a part of that group back in 7th grade and I played football with all the jocks . . but you know, you just don't click with certain people . I didn't/never wanted to be around them because I didn't like most of them . Don't get it twisted, some of her friends are REALLY dope (for example : her boyfriend Brian; he was the chillest White boy from our middle and high schools) . But oh well, things just don't stay the same .

To this day though, she's still hella cool/nice to me . I saw her recently when I visited my old school from California towards the end of the school year . It's funny because, she's one of the people who never called me by my real name (naw she didn't call me M.C. either haha) . She's ALWAYS called me by family nickname ("G") . I was soo surprised when she came up to me and asked "G ? What are you doin' here ?"; haha . But yeah, it was real nice seeing her again after not seeing her for a few years . .

-M.C.

I Wished . .

I wished we had our own house . .
:/

Foreals . .

But then again . . who am I to complain . . ? Right ?
I'm lucky enough to be living under a roof even though it's not our own roof; there's billions of people out there who are homeless .

But sometimes, I just wished we had our own house . . some sort of privacy .
But oh well .

I'm thankful [like foreals] . But at the end of the day, I can't help it .
Life goes on though .

-M.C.

Long Lost Close Friend

So tonight, I talked to one of my closest friends from back in the days, Michelle . I don't know if she still considers me close but I still consider her one of my good friends . For the past year or so, we havn't really been able to talk to each other a lot as much as we did back then . I guess we both just got busy with our own things (well knowin' SHE's always busy doin' school/cheer stuff haha) .

We had a pretty decent conversation tonight . Just catchin' up and shit . Wow, after talkin', felt like nothin' really changed . Well, I don't really think anything has changed but the fact we talk less . I swear everytime I see this girl when I go to Cali, we act like nothin' has changed . But yeah, talkin' to her brought back some memories . . some of the best memories of my teen years .

I remember meetin' Michelle either during snack or lunch back at my old high school (CV/Crescenta Valley) . I was actually trying to get at her friend Samantha (she turned out to be really cool too) who happened to be new student at school hahaha but instead of talkin' to Samantha a lot, I ended up talkin' to Michelle a lot more . When I got to know her, damn she turned out to be one of the coolest people I've ever met . Michelle, to this day, is the ONLY girl I know who's never done me wrong in any way, shape or form, and was always there when I needed her; that's prolly why we got close .

I remember we'd eat lunch together and walk to the gas station together with our own little clique (me, her, Axton, Samantha, Christina, whoever else was there lol), go to the movies on weekends, play basketball after school (wow, bball brought us closer too lol), swimmin' at Samantha's during summer of 2006, and yeah helpin' each other out with problems and shit .

For a VERY long time, I considered Michelle my closest homegirl because she was the NICEST (to this day lol) girl I've ever met . The nicest thing she's probably done to me was make me a present before I moved to Las Vegas . She made me a scrapbook of our memories/friendship . That thing really meant/mean A LOT to me to this day . The thing is, she kept makin' time for me just so she can say her goodbyes and made sure I got her present before I left . And even after I moved, we still talked a lot; it's just these past years have been different .

Yeah, time changes and sometimes it doesn't let you stay close with certain people in your life . But then there's people, no matter what, your connection with them somehow doesn't change . I mean, you guys might not be as close . . but at the same time, nothin' is awkward between y'all .


HATE to crop this picture cuz this picture is such a CLASSIC back-in-the-day picture with 3 of my tightest 9th grade homies; to this day, I STILL don't know what I was doin' in this picture lmao look at me with my bald head hah what was I thinkin' lol and I don't know why I closed my eyes either lol

-M.C.

They Say If You Love It, You Should Let It Out Its Cage . . And Fuck It, If It Comes Back, You Know It's There To Stay . .

I don't think it's meant to be,

But she loves her work more than she does me .

And honestly, at [18], I would probably love my work more than I did she .

So we, ain't we .

It's me, and her .

'Cause what she prefers over me, is work .

And that's, where we, differ .

So I have to give her,

free time,

even if it hurts .

So breathe, mami, it's deserved .

You've been put on this earth to be,

All you can be . .

And me ?

My timing in this army, it's served .

So I have to allow she; her time to serve .

The time's now for her

[And] the time she'll mature,

And maybe we can be we again like we were .

Finally, my time's too short to share .

And to ask her now, it ain't fair .
So yeah . . .

- Jay-Z

You're the best I ever had . . but they say sometimes, the best things in life needa go . . and maybe one day, it'll come back . . .

-M.C.

Another Great Year, But Another Dissapointing Ending

Damn, Dodgers, we had a great season . . but y'all handed it to the Phillies again in two consecutive years . When will we have a World Series championship again . . ? :[

FUUUUCK . Come on, L.A.

-M.C.

Muzik Talk 1 : Kedrick Lamar/K. Dot

I decided I'ma write a column about artists (singers, rappers, bands, etc.) I'm feelin' at the moment . I'll write about why I like 'em and what makes 'em good artists overall . My first Muzik Talk column will be about Kendrick Lamar aka K. Dot .

I been followin' this dude's music for almost a year now . It's a little weird to call him by Kendrick Lamar because when I first found out about his music, he went by the name K. Dot . He's probably one of the hottest underground rappers right now . He has this unique voice/flow that I've never heard from other rappers . The first song I ever heard from him was the song "I Need That" (STILL one of my favorites of all time) . It's one of those songs I can never get tired of . The beat, the flow, the LYRICS, the story-telling . . WOW .

Story-telling is probably his strongest skill in my opinion other than his punchlines/lyrics . . In his new song called "Beyonce", he raps about being an obsessed/in loved fan of Beyonce . And WOW, the way he describes his "feelings" for Beyonce in that song is just crazy/funny . Y'all just gotta listen to it .

But yeah, I actually like most of his new shit better because back then, he was more of a 'gangsta rapper .' His new music has more 'Hip-Hop' feel to it but at the same time it still has some 'gangsta' flavor to it .

Oh by the way : he's from L.A. [Compton to be exact] ;D You already know . . the fool gets plus points just for being a West Coast/SoCal ridah . Ha .

K. Dot

Kendrick Lamar

-M.C.

Why Is It A Bad Thing ? O.o

People always critisize people who smoke weed . Back then, before I tried weed, I thought to myself too, that it's a bad thing to do [fuckin' D.A.R.E. programs hahah] .

But the more I did it [well actually, the FIRST time I did it hahah], my opinions changed QUICKLY . Like to be honest, the ONLY thing I see wrong with smoking weed is it makes you fuckin' lazy [hah -___-], other than that, I see NOTHIN' wrong .

People say it's addicting . . well it IS lmao but it's not addicting to the point it makes you go crazy like other drugs [well prolly for some people lol] .

But my point is . . I HATE when people critsize smokers . Like ok, I understand when some people do it, it looks bad . . but then again, what are they doin' bad ? O.o Smoking cigarettes [to me at least], is 1000% worse than smokin' weed .

Now I don't really consider myself as a stoner since I don't buy weed [only once lol], but the times I've smoked with people ? Shieeet, it was always chill . Ha .

"I remember being little; weed, didn't really know what it was . Then I took a puff and I realized . ."

-M.C.

Biggest Fear

I usually don't tell people 'bout my biggest fears cuz I feel like they could use it against me [one day] . But I can honestly say my biggest fear is the lost of motivation . It might not make sense to some, but I truly believe losin' love is NOT my biggest fear; I've seen people walk away from me and yet, here I stand .

I feel like the day I stop/die, is the day I lose motivation (unless I somewhat get shot to death or get ran over by a car haha) . I've observed that the days I've felt depressed are the days where I had no motivation . Recently, my life's been a fuckin' jungle; it might not look like it, but that's cuz I probably rarely trust you and don't tell you shit and won't show you how things really are around my life .

Not graduating high school when I worked my ass off towards the end of the year, probably really hit me the hardest because I felt like I failed . I lost motivation in the sense of "damn, I actually tried and failed one step closer ." It's like if workin' hard doesn't cut it, what else can motivate you ? My parents/grandmother were really disappointed and hurt and for a while, I didn't know what to do . . and in that sense, nothin' was motivating me .

What's worse was, the motivation I had for the things I LOVED to do (drawing/music) declined over the year . . I drew waaay less than I did last year and musically, I feel like, I havn't practiced as much as I should've been . Nothing was motivating me, so even the things I loved couldn't rescue me from my depression .

Aside from that, family conflict/money problems/drama with immature people (also know as 'friends') weren't helpin' my motivation either, it only made things worse . It seemed like I was failing the people I love the most (family) and that's what made me feel like shit; it's like, if I can't even make these people happy now, how am I supposed to make 'em happy for the future ? I just didn't feel motivated cuz I felt like their support wasn't there no more . Then my 'friends' . . I love(d) these people u know ? But everyday, I just see fakeness around 'em and it makes me distant myself from them . . so it's like, I wasn't gettin' motivated by their actions .

But recently, I have realized I need to motivate MYSELF . Motivation comes . . but NOT every time . I feel like motivation comes from hard work . Cuz I mean, if you don't start NOW, when will you start ? It may not come as fast as you want, but I feel like if I work FOR MYSELF first and accomplish my goals first, eventually motivation will come . So in some ways/sense, I'M my biggest enemy cuz it's up to me whether I wanna be motivated or not . . and like I said, lost of motivation is the only thing that can kill me . .

-M.C.

College

So college finally started; first two days . Wow, I can honestly say I'm liking the classes I'm takin' (thank God I don't have Math yet) . First day, I had my ART 101 Drawing 1 class . I pretty much loved it even though the only thing the teacher did was talk . It just had a chill atmosphere and the teacher was pretty cool . Second day, I had my PHILOSOPHY 102 Critilcal Thinking/Reasoning class . I pretty much loved it too . We actually did some work here; notes . We'll see what's up though cuz I'm still not convinced I'ma love college that much once I start takin' Math and Science classes . . Hopefully this Fall Semester goes well . . I'm mostly excited for my Drawing 1 class since I can already tell it'll improve my drawing skills . . Ha .

-M.C.

Mr. Don't-Give-A-Fuck Is Back ?

So recently, I discovered my old self . What I mean by that is, I'm startin' to NOT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE again . Like I'm startin' to lose interest on certain people now . . not just certain people, MOST people actually . I remember '08 being the best year of my life just because I wasn't stressed at all . . and you know why I wasn't ? CUZ I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK .

I mean, I had close friends and I obviously cared about 'em . . but the way I was, I didn't care about anyone's feelings at the end of the day . I just basically felt like I was always right . I always felt like I was the shit; whoever I lost, if they weren't family, I didn't give a fuck . Basically, I just felt like everyone was replacable . .

And another thing : I never let situations get to me . I didn't show sadness . . no matter what people did, I didn't let it get to me . . and when things DID get ugly/bad, I still never showed it . The only emotion/charateristic I showed was arrogance . . I mean, don't get it twisted, I was caring about people, but when/if they threatened/do me wrong, I just had 2 fingers up in the air [figuratively and literally at times lmao] . Plus I was just positive . . I never let bad things get me down; instead, I used bad memories to fuel my confidence . . I always felt like today might've rained, but tomorrow will be sunny and these fuckers will realize what the fuck they did/missed out on .

But the end of '08/'09 just been bad to me . . and I can honestly say, I'm responsible for half of my 'misery' cuz I let bad things get to me and just cared too much about certain things/individuals . . but now, I'm fed up and guess what ? I'm startin' to NOT GIVE A FUCK >:D I hope it stays this way though . . cuz I'm ready to fuckin' change .

-M.C.

Simplicity

I was thinkin' . . many people say they're 'laid back' or easy to talk to blah blah blah . But I seriously think I'm the definition of 'laid back' hah .

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been simple . I mean, I honestly think I'm greedy cuz I still fiend for a lot of things . . but when I say I'm simple, I mean it doesn't take a lot to please me . Like I can be greedy about things, but those things will be simple things .

I don't know, I think it's because of the way I was brought up . Not havin' a lot of money made me simple . Although I always envy people with money, havin' simple things or being simple in life, in my opinion, was the best thing that could've happened to me .

I know people who can't have fun without partyin'/goin' crazy; I know people who can't have fun without spendin' hella money; I know people who get bored easily . But to me, all of those things ARE fun [except gettin' bored easily lmao], but the way I am : give me a couple of friends to chill with, a nice conversation, and a place to stay/go at . . AND I'M GOOD .

Everytime people ask me what they wanna do, my answer will be : "I'm down for whatever" (ha, ask Danny lol) . The only thing I hate is NOT DOIN' SHIT . That's probably the only thing I'm not simple about; when there's a day where I'm stuck at home doin' nothin' . . I mean, I can be stuck at home with friends and I'll be all good . . but when there's literally nothin' to do when the day/night is still young, I feel like it's a waste of good time . I just don't like being by myself not usin' useful energy .

But it's funny, even when my own parents offer to spend money for me to make me happy, I turn 'em down . . . just cuz I feel like, if I didn't plan it to begin with, don't spend money on me just to make me happy . . and plus, I hate when people spend money on me . . so I try to avoid that shit .

Other than being stuck at home doin' nothin' . . Material things, parties, money, drugs [lmao :P], all of those things are DAMN GOOD ! But that's not who makes me . . I was never about all of those things [okay, maybe money and some drugs lmao] . I'd rather just sit back and relax and laugh [and maybe smoke weed once in a while hahaha :P] . .

-M.C.

More Realization

Los Angeles, CA

Damn, I just got back from California tonight . So much bullshit happened while I was down there . . but at the same time, I wasn't too down . Weird thing is, soon as I stepped inside the bus back to Vegas, I swear, I automatically got sad . . I mean, I missed my family from Vegas and everything but I don't know, I just felt sad leavin' Cali again . .

I swear, Cali never fail to make me happy . There's soo many places/things to go to/do . But I doubt that's what it is that makes me happy every time I'm in Cali . It's true friends I have over there that make me happy . I'm not sayin' I don't have true friends from Vegas . . but damn, I just realized again who my true friends are after visitin' Cali . I swear, these people are soo chill . There's NEVER drama between us . . foreals [except when Giovanny acts like a fuckin' secretive biatch lol] . But real talk : I'm hella thankful of these people . . foreals .

But yea, the fact that there's hella things to do/go to just adds on to the fact, other than havin' my real friends in Cali, why I would still rather live in California than Las Vegas . . damn, I wish I could've moved there during summer . . but I have to stay here in Vegas for my family .

P.S.: I'm real thankful for the homie Alvaro and his family for lettin' me stay at there house for a week and everything the homie did .

-M.C.

Fuckin' Sucks

Damn, I drove to SoCal yesterday and I made the whole 300-mile trip over here without a problem . I came to Giovanny's house first to chill and pick him up . Then after that, we went to drive to Alvaro's (one of my friends; duh) house, which is not that far .

Halfway through the driving . . my fuckin' car breaks down outta nowhere and smoke started comin' out of the engine !! The ironic thing is, it died down in front of a mechanic place . The mechanic looked at it but at the end, he actually didn't know what was wrong O.o
Then the homie Tarek came through (he knows shit about cars) and wasn't too sure, too . And Alvaro's step-dad (also someone who knows shit about cars) looked at it and couldn't figure it out .

So now I'm waitin' for tomorrow to get it checked by this one mechanic Alvaro's family knows well . . Fuck I just wanna figure out what's wroong with it . This shit sucks . . We just bought the car too (but it's 2nd hand/used; that's why it has a lot of problems) . Shieeet :[

-M.C.

My Problem . . Err Addiction . . ?

Goddamn, I write too fuckin' much . I just got done writin' my previous blog about Michael Vick about 15 minutes ago . I don't know, I think I have a real fuckin' problem . . or addiction with writing . As a young kid, I ALWAYS doubted myself in writing . Shit, every time I was given a writing test/essay when I was younger, my automatic response was "aww shit, automatic 'F', fuck it . ." Like I gave up soo quickly because I was never really confident in my writing skills .

But lately writing, to me, became sooo fuckin' easy . Almost as easy as drawing stick figures . Shit, ever since 9th grade, it just changed . I don't know, I think it's because I started paying more attention in my English class (other than the fact that Mrs. Arrow was young and fuckin' cute :P bhahahahaha damn I STILL remember her face XD lmao) .

But then again . . I doubt it was because I paid more attention . I really do doubt that . I think it's more like I'm such an outspoken person; shit, I can be reeeeaally shy, trust me . . but once you make me real comfortable, I really can't stop talkin' . I think it started off back in 7th grade . Stupid-ass school district put me in two English classes (for 'english learners') because I spoke another language . Shit, to be honest, I'm not mad come to think of it, because wow, I can honestly say I had two of the greatest teachers ever; Ms. Brannin & Mrs. Nelson .

These two women, are probably, the first reason(s) why I'm such an outspoken person now . Especially Mrs. Nelson . I miss that woman, real talk; I havn't seen her since I passed her class (2004) . I can still remember how her class was . I thought she was a total fuckin' bitch in the beginning, but as class progressed, WOW, my opinions on her changed . Around that time/year, I still had such a low confidence level on my writing skills, yet my outspoken side . But damn, this woman, I would honestly say, was one of the first people [if not the FIRST], to make me realize this 'gift/curse (I say curse 'cause I hate how I can't stop writin'/havin' opinions on things -_-)' I have .

I remember she believed in me so much regardless of how bad I was at writin' . I mean I'm talkin' about even through the times I could barely write two fuckin' sentences to start a damn paragraph -__- . It makes me tear up thinkin' 'bout it to be honest . I still remember her tellin' me that I have a gift . I wasn't too sure at the time wtf she was talkin' about since I didn't believe in myself much . Then one day, when I totally gave up on myself with an exercise assignment, she told me "just write whatever you can/want on these topics I give you, even if it's not written the right way ." She basically just told me, WRITE MY OPINION(S) on things I see/hear about/read about; WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS, JUST WRITE/SAY SOMETHIN' !

So eventually, I started pickin' up . I wrote more and more . But the difference was: even if I wasn't so confident on what I wrote down, I said somethin'/wrote about the topics she gave us/things we read about, even if they bored/did not interest me . But the thing is, she was actually impressed with the opinions I wrote down even if I didn't use proper spellings, proper grammar, etc . On the last day of school, she had written somethin' in my 'warm-up' notebook that even to this day, touches my heart deep inside . Shit, I STILL HAVE THAT NOTEBOOK 'cause what she wrote meant/means so fuckin' much to me . I don't remember exactly what she had said . . but to summarize it, she just told me that I have a gift and she believes I'll become someone/somethin' big one day and she EXPECTS to hear from me once I become that someone/somethin' she predicted . . Crazy, at times I lose motivation, I think about her/what she said and it motivates me . . 'cause I feel like I need to prove somethin' to her . . and I can't just let people like that to see me lose/give up . You know, you're not gon' disappoint someone who changed you regardless of where they're at now .

But yeah, as years passed (except 8th grade; wow prolly my worst year in an English class), I became more efficient in writin' . I wouldn't say I'm one of the best . . but I think my skills are exceptional . And I really doubt it's all from learnin' how to use proper grammar, spell the right away, etc . . . I think it's more like it's from havin' GREAT English teachers . Wow what a surprise ! All my fav. teachers, except my 8th grade one (fat-fuck; I don't even remember her name) AND 12th grade one (Mr. Jorgensen was a punk-ass faggot), have been my English teachers . They all taught me to open up my mind and let out my opinions . .

Problem is . . I can't stop thinkin'/analyzin' shit (being opinionated) on almost every fuckin' thing . . . -_____- lol . . .

Fuckin' dumb-ass brain . . UGH; sometimes I really wish I can stop . . 'cause I don't know . All I fuckin' do is think and write shit . . . blaaaah . It bothers me 'cause sometimes I think I write waaay more than I draw; funny 'cause drawing is my 1st passion .

-M.C.

Michael Vick Flies As A Different Bird

Okay, most of the blogs I've written/usually write are about life . Well . . if you know me well enough, SPORTS is a BIG part of my life . And if you know me really well, you'd know that I'm a big fan of NFL football . And if you really really really know me well enough, you'd know that I'm a crazy-ass Philadelphia Eagles fan ! So I'ma write about sports whether you fuckin' like/read it or not ! >:P

I just found out last night, from MySpace (lol my nigga, and Eagles fan like myself, Darryl commented me about it) that Michael Vick signed with my team ! I was in a such a state of disbelief because I thought my team was one of the last teams that would sign Michael Vick . Now if you know this muthafucka, you'd know why no team wanted to sign him right away [regardless of how good of quarterback he was] (you know, muthafucka went to prison for dog fightin' and shit blah blah blah) .

But as soon as I found out, I got real excited cuz WOW, the Eagles lost sooo many good players this off-season (Brian Dawkins :[ Lito Sheppard, etc.) . And aside from that, we lost our defensive coach, RIP the great Jim Johnson, through cancer this past July . So I was so disappointed . . but I heard sooo much shit that our offense got a lot better though ! Somethin' to brighten up my day ! :D Then I heard that Michael Vick signed with us ! DAMN ! XD

Now if you know Vick, the former Atlanta Falcon, this muthafucka brings a lot of good things to our table . He's the quickest muthafuckin' quarterback I've ever seen ! He has a powerful arm, although not accurate at all times, that can back our main QB, McNabb, during the season if McNabb gets injured . Not only that; we can create MANY plays/packages to confuse other teams' defense . Shieeet .

It's funny because the year the Eagles finally went back to the Super Bowl (against the Patriots; Feb. 6th, 2005 aka MY BDAY !!), we had to face the Falcons, which was led by Michael Vick (pictures below), the previous game (NFC Championship; DUH we won :P hahaaa) ! Who knew that this fool would later sign on with my team . HA ! It's all good though ! >:D Cuz I got a HUMONGOUS feelin' we're goin' back to the Super Bowl this year . . . with the help of Vick :D Super Bowl rematch ! Eagles vs. Patriots !! My two fav. team ! >:D

-M.C.

What I Don't Get About Myself .

There's certain people in my life right now that I know I shouldn't associate myself with at all . And yet, I don't get why I do . They're completely opposite of the person I am . We come from different backgrounds, have different views, different type of friends, different history . And it seriously bothers me the more I get to know these people . It's not that I don't like their views/background; it's more like I don't like how they sugarcoat themselves so they wouldn't be judged . It pisses me off to be honest, cuz me personally ? I never fuckin' lie about the things I do/have done in the past; regardless of how bad it can make me look .

That's what it is, that's what makes you WHO YOU ARE . . your past, even if you're different now . So why hide from it ? If you're confident about yourself now (now that you're 'different'), you shouldn't be ashamed of your past cuz dang, when asked about it, you should easily answer/tell people about it and go "yea, I know, it sounds bad . But fuck that, I'm different now" and SHOW 'em you ARE different .

The reason why I'm never scared to show people who I WAS cuz you can CLEARLY SEE I'm different now; I'm not proud of the bad side of my history but I'm not hiding from it . I guess it's easier for me to talk about my past cuz I'm a 'BETTER' PERSON now I would say . . I can show you what I used to be but at the same time, I can SHOW you I ROSE FROM THE BAD THINGS I did and wouldn't let my bad history repeat itself . It's like I got confidence in myself and wouldn't give a fuck if you judge me cuz of my past . . cuz obviously, my past is what made me a better person . . learning from my mistakes .

And when people hide their past ? It just makes shit look more suspicious, like umm . . "why aren't you tellin' me this ?" IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I CAN'T TRUST 'EM CUZ THEY'RE NOT BEING 100% HONEST TO ME; they're hidin' shit from me . Shit like that just bothers me, cuz when I'm real cool/close to someone,I feel like I should/need to know about their lifestyle/history cuz it it makes me get to know them better .

Seriously, I know too many people who run away from their past so they wouldn't get judged . FUCK THAT . Be real; be real to yourself . . that's how you get respect & trust (at least from me) .

-M.C.

Fuck College

I moved to [North] Las Vegas my sophomore year; prior to that, I lived in [Southern] California . I have so much love for Vegas but my love for SoCal is even GREATER . I always loved visitin' Vegas but livin' here ? That's a whole 'nother idea I can't seem to accept . I got some real cool, laid back friends here but it's just damn, SoCal is still on my mind no matter who I meet here, what happens here, etc .

I never planned on stayin' here . Even right before we got settled here, when I found out we were movin' here, I promised my friends [& myself] that I'd move back to Cali as soon as I get done with high school . People here always act surprised that I wanna move back there . I don't see how though; I ALWAYS talk about California, how much I love it, how bad I wanna move there, etc . Shit I even got "L.A." tatted on me . But what I don't get is : the people who CONSTANTLY act surprised no matter how much I tell 'em 'bout movin' back to Cali, are my PARENTS .

Now that I finally got done with high school, I told my parents (for the 43243rd time), that I wanna move back to Cali and go to college [just to make 'em happy at least] there . But ugh, now school's startin' again and I had to make a fuckin' quick decision and change my plans; yes I have to stay here and go to college here . . It stresses me out though . . cuz I feel like it fucked up SOO MANY of my future plans . .

I guess I'll just have to get through it . . FUCK until fuckin' December . . but after this Fall Semester, I'm fuckin' movin' out fo' sho' . I made it clear to my fuckin' parents and they better go with that . Part of the reason (BIG REASON) why I wanna move the fuck out is cuz . . I'm just tired of my parents' supervision . I can't do ANYTHING without them havin' to constantly watch what I fuckin' do; I can't make my own decisions all the time cuz I gotta watch out what I do for them . . and it holds me back from sooo many fuckin' things . .

But seriously, I don't even wanna go to college to be honest . . I mean I DO but shit, that shit's too fuckin' expensive . . I can be doin' somethin' else [in Cali]; focus on my dreams of tattooing and music . My parents just don't believe in my dreams and they think college is always the only way to succeed . If I didn't need to go to college, I'd be soo focused on my music and tattooing cuz I don't need to worry 'bout grades, payin' for college, being busy on shit I don't wanna do . . FUCK, the setbacks . .

-M.C.

Ain't Shit Changed . . We Still Represent The House

What is the definition of friends ? To me, it doesn't really fuckin' matter cuz I don't give a fuck 'bout friends . Yea, we're friends, but question is : HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO FOR ME ? Crazy thing is, many people would EVEN consider each other best friends . Even crazier than that is, when people have more than one fuckin' bestfriend -_- Man, seriously stick to one. That's why it's called BESTfriend . . cuz it's the best . He/she is second to none .

Funny how people change too . I've 'lost' so many friends cuz they changed . People always think I'm the one who changed . But I doubt it . I never change unless someone changes on me . I act the same; whether it'd be about things I laugh about, complain about, cry about . . end of the day, I'm still fuckin' real to myself and to others . I guess people just can't handle certain things when they get too close to you cuz they expect you to be nice to them and follow whatever they say .

The thing is, I DON'T lie to my friends, even if it makes me look bad; I'll admit whatever I say or do . I just think REAL friendships do not let arguements/fights/different opinions ruin what people have between one another . But the thing is, 99% of the people on Earth these days can't handle people that are real .

Then others change cuz of distance; like you and your friend(s) can't see each other much cuz one of y'all moved or have been busy lately . I understand this part . . cuz distance does create gaps between relationships when you're so used to seeing/hangin' out with someone that when one of y'all move or get busy, shit just changes .

Then the loyalty/honesty part; I guess this goes back to being real to people . Some people just start choosin' other people over their friends, or even worse, their so-called 'bestfriend(s)' . People just start hangin' out with/choosin' other people so much maybe cuz of distance, people changin', people havin' love relationships, etc . Whatever it is, FUCK THAT; a friendship isn't real if you let all of these things listed above affect your relationship with someone .

I don't really believe in friendships soo much these days . It's either you're a friend I'm cool with or a fuckin' FAMILY (regardless of blood) . I've only had TWO 'friends' I trust and never lost over nothin' . The term 'bestfriend' is such a cliche' for us though that we don't even fuckin' call each other 'best friends' (aside from the fact that it just sounds gay between men lol) .
Giovanny & Chris aka Coke; yeea these my niggaz FO' LIFE . When I say that, I mean that . Maybe it might not come true that the 3 of us will always be friends since "nothin' lasts forever", but fuck man, every damn time somethin' happens bad, they're really the only ones that come fuckin' through for me .

Funny thing is : OUR DISTANCE IS 300 MILES AWAY and yet I can depend on these fools like no other . I think that's the thing about our friendship that differs from soo many friendships . None of those I listed above that ruin friendship ever affected us . Shit, we're always open to each others' opinions regardless of what the outcome is (honesty is the best policy ha), we've all had girlfriends we were madly in love with and yet here we stand and NOT ONE BITCH ruined us, and shit, me movin' to Vegas and not really being able to see 'em every day for the past 3 years, what the fuck is there to separate us ? I don't know but I sho' havn't seen it yet .

If you ever fuckin' wonder why I'll never put no one above these niggaz, those are just some of the clues for your ass . Seriously though, bestfriends are for lil butt-fucks who want to butt fuck each other and feel secured around each others' arms . I don't need that shit . I need loyalty . . which you can only really 100% get from family . . that's why I consider these niggaz my BROTHERS instead .

Phrase(s) of the day (one of my favorites I might add) : "FUCK FRIENDS ." shieeet . . "when worse comes to worst, family comes frist"

-M.C.

Person I Hate Most

I swear . . I fuckin' HATE myself . . Sometimes, I feel like I'm the most HORRIBLE/SELFISH person I know . I never make anyone happy completely without fuckin' up .

Sadly, some of those people are my parents and grandmothers . . Most important people in my life . . I don't remember ever makin' 'em proud . All I do is fuck up in life . Period .

It's funny how A LOT of things are handed to me and yet all I do is mess up . Shit, it all starts back since I was a kid . . my dad once bought me a Sega system . . right the next week, what do you know . . I fuckin' broke it . I never completely hold on to somethin' without ever breakin' it .

I feel like I take things for granted . I know we don't have it the best but at the same time, my parents work hard enough just to put food on the plate . I should be thankful enough and I shouldn't be constantly disappointing them .

Education is the only thing they ask from me . . to go through it and pass it . I mean, I UNDERSTAND where they're comin' from . . just like every other parent(s), they "only want the best for their kid ." And I mean it's true .

But I get sooo caught up with my OWN intentions that I forget to appreciate them . I wanna follow my dreams but I can't cuz of college . I NEED to go to college just for them . . and I AM doin' it; but not the way they want it .

I failed to graduate highschool . I mean I just finished summer school and I'm about to get my diploma soon . . but the fact they never got to see me walk on stage and congratulate me, take pictures with/of me wearing my gown with a big smile on our faces, havin' a party for my success, etc . . it fuckin' kills me EVERY SINGLE DAY .

My girlfriend always tells me to move on . . but it's harder than it is . I seriously tear up thinkin' about it . Not graduatin' is probably the most disappointin' thing I could've ever done both for myself & parents . That's why it kills me . I mean, if it was up to ME ? Shit, I don't give a flyin' fuck about graduation . . but it's the fact that my PARENTS couldn't experience/see their FIRST BORN walk on that stage is what fuckin' kills me .

It's my fault I know . . I just didn't work hard enough . I don't blame ANYONE for my own mistakes . I mean I always make the excuse "oh the fuckin' school put me in a math class I wasn't even supposed to be in !" But I know deep inside, if I just tried enough . . I could've passed it . . and walked off on the graduation stage .

The thing about me is . . I HATE gettin' help . I wanna do everything on my own . Even when I do ask for help, it kills me cuz FUCK, now I owe this person shit . I HATE that . Even if it's just borrowing a dollar . . it bothers me . Cuz I should be strong enough to handle my problems on my own . And when I owe people shit, the expectations are just there; they did it for you, so when they need you, you better not fuck up .

But sometimes, my own pride is what hurts people around me . . Tonight my mom and I were talkin' (more like arguin') to what I'ma do with college . . She offered to take me to CSN (community college here in Las Vegas) to check the requirements/campus and I quickly answered "umm, I don't know if I wanna go . . I told y'all, I don't wanna go there . . "

From then on, it just turned to back & forth arguin' . I told her how I felt/my plans . But I think it hurt her more than it'd made her understand . Cuz when I told her how I felt, it seemed like I was blamin' her and my dad for my setbacks .

Sometimes, I seriously cannot help to feel that way just because of personal issues . I know sooo many people my age that ALREADY GOT IT MADE . Jobs, apartments, MONEY, cars, etc . It tears me apart inside to know I'm sooo behind compared to my peers . And sometimes, I feel like I'm behind cuz I always gotta make my parents happy . . happy that it stops me from havin' chances to fullfil my own wantings; MONEY ($$$) , car, job . . basically MY OWN LIFE; I just want them to stop worryin' about me and give me a chance to run my own life . . they already have enough problems . . I just feel like I shouldn't be one of those anymore . .

But then . . I shouldn't blame 'em . . cuz they only want the best for me and they ARE tryna help me . . just not in the way I want 'em to help me . And I feel SELFISH cuz of that . . I only wanna do my own plans and start my own life . . when THEY should be a part of my life .

I think I'm just makin' things harder for everyone; me, my grandmother(s), my parents . . by not followin' my parents' plans for me . It's just . . I have DREAMS I wanna fullfil . . and it doesn't correlate with their dreams for me :/

But yea, tonight's conversation just left a blank face on my mom's face . . and it hurts . . cuz we never got to finish our conversation . . she just went upstairs quiet after I told her about my feelings . . her last words were "okay, I'm here for you . . I'll support you through anything just as long as it doesn't involve committing bad things . . go do whatever you want ."

To me, it just didn't sound legit . . cuz I feel like she's givin' me that unconditional love; she'll be there for me even if it hurts her inside . And that's the LAST thing I want . . I don't wanna be happy if my parents, especially my MOM, aren't happy . . I hate lookin' at my mom with a blank/sad/disappointed face . . I can't even look straight at her ://

Man . . if you ever wonder who I hate the most (no it ain't Lil' Wayne hah) . . it's ME/MY OWN SELF . . .

-M.C.

When Your Hero Falls

When your hero falls from grace

all fairy tales are uncovered

Myths exposed & pain magnified

The greatest pain discovered

You taught me to be strong

But I'm confused to see you weak

You said never to give up

And it hurts to see you welcome defeat

When your hero falls, so do the stars

and so does the perception of tomorrow

Without my hero there is only

me alone to deal with my sorrow

Your heart ceases to work

and your soul is not happy at all

What are you expeted to do

when your hero falls down ?

- 2Pac

Man, I swear, that's one of my favorite poems of all time . Not cuz it's by 2Pac but because it's soo true . It hurts to see the people you look up to when they're at their worst . But not just that . It hurts when their shine or glory seem tainted . Like what you thought they were was the complete opposite of what they really are .

I don't know . There's this girl I admired soo much during end of '07/early '08 . Funny, I never met this girl AT ALL . I just seen her work/art/writing on deviantart.com (art website I used to be always on) and on MySpace . I was seriously IN LOVE with this girl hahaha :P

She was just sooo fuckin' POSITIVE and ARTISTIC and pretty; that's why I was soo into her . When I say I was in love or into her . . I mean, like I admired her SO MUCH . I never liked her cuz wtf, we hardly talked and I never met her haha .
But yea, the times we talked, it blew me away aha, as lame as that sounds . She was/still is one of my heroes today; that's why . When you get to talk to your idol, regardless of how much you know them personally, of course it's gon' be amazing . It's like when fans see their fav. musician/sports athlete . To me, talkin' to her was amazing cuz her artwork AND philosophy in life amazed me .

She made me into a more positive person without actually talkin' to her constantly . Just readin' her writings about her own personal problems and the way she handled them, it just made me into a less negative person . And dang, she was one great photographer .

But I stopped followin' her life/work in middle of '08 . I don't know, guess just got too busy . But every once in a while, I'd check up on her stuff . And tonight was one of those nights . Wow, I actually havn't checked up on her shit since like December prior to tonight .

But anyways, I went on her MySpace and saw she hasn't been on for 2 months . So I googled her stuff on Flickr . But then I noticed somethin' on Google; it was like the second thing that popped when I searched her up . And the title was "Rosie Hardy (her name) Plagiarism" .

I was kinda like "what the fuck ? what's that supposed to mean ?"

I clicked on it and supposedly, she's a 'fraud' . That she claimed her artwork is original but are supposedly fake . Blah blah blah . All of this stuff . It kinda hurt me in a way . I know it sounds dumb I'm gettin' hurt . I don't know . . so many people were leavin' comments callin' her fake . . blah blah blah . And there's like pictures/evidence supportin' that claim .

It just hurt me cuz she's my hero . . it's funny how she's my hero cuz we're only about the same age . . I actually think she's younger than me . But anyways . . yea, it was just like "whoa, her work are copies of others ??"

Man, I honestly don't really care if they are . Cuz art ? Art is INSPIRATION . Every art you'll see is a mere 'copy' AKA INSPIRATION of another one . . It just bothered me how people made her sound like a COMPLETE bad person for 'copying' other people's artwork . .

Wow yea, I know . . I'm weird . . This shouldn't affect me at all lol but it does . . cuz she's still one of my heroes . . regardless of how much I know about her or know her personally . . cuz at one point, she did change my life .

-M.C.

Lies

I always get in fights with people verbally these days . I remember not givin' a fuck at all back in the days when I was younger . I just let arguements slip off like nothin' . I would never show my emotions at all even if I knew I was right cuz I never saw the point of arguin' with people when they're just not gon' listen to me; I would just get quiet for hours and try to cool off . I wouldn't talk to anyone 'til I was calm again . . then everything was all good and back to normal again with the people I was just mad at .

But as the years passed by, shit got worse . I don't know, I just got TOO real with people . I stopped givin' a fuck if I hurt someone's feelings; long as they knew the truth and how I felt . I got fed up with all the lyin' and fakin' . I never liked lies/fakin' to begin with . I remember, I was still real to people but nice at the same time around '07 and the years before that . . but with all the bullshit that happened in '06-'07, it forced me to change as a person .

By 'the end of '07, I was such a different person; I realized I really only needed my closest friends . So I didn't really bother payin' much attention to the people that weren't important to me . . so I said anything to them, even if it wasn't so nice . Like I'm talkin' 'bout even with people I was HELLA cool with .

I'm not sayin' I'm not the ONLY one who gets constantly lied to (I'm pretty sure everyone does) but I got enough reasons why I don't trust anyone . . FULLY . I've lost most of my friends to lies . But I can honestly say proudly, I was never the one to lie to a friend that I lost . Man, I don't even feel like I lost friends; I feel like they lost ME . It hurts to 'lose' a friend, but when I see too much fakeness & not a lot of change, it just gets tiring; your hopes & beliefs constantly get crushed . . It gets tiring ESPECIALLY when YOU'RE the only one tryin' to make adjustments to save a frienship .

But yea, reason I'm writin' this is cuz I've fully realized why I constantly argue with people these days . It's funny, cuz I can say 97% of my assumptions came true or EVENTUALLY came true [as months passed] . People always think I'm always tryin' to start fights; but it ain't even like that, I'm just observant of my environment & the things happenin' around it; I'm just expressin' my thoughts/opinions/feelings . I mean, yea, I don't blame people for gettin' mad/frustrated at me cuz I always got some negative thought floatin' on my head about 'em . But hey, at least I'M FUCKIN' HONEST .

I swear, the SMALLEST situation can trigger my cynical side . ONE little mistake can change my outlook on a person . Just cuz I feel like everyone should know wtf's the difference between wrong and right . I mean, don't get it twisted, just cuz my outlook on you changes a bit, don't mean I'm not gon' give you a chance to prove me wrong . I always try to look at other people's perspective, and when I realize I'm wrong, shit I'll admit MY mistakes .

But that's the problem with people . . they don't fuckin' know how to be honest . What pisses me off the MOST is when PEOPLE LIE ABOUT THE SMALLEST THING ! For example : not lettin' me know what's their plans cuz they're scared I might get hurt/mad . Shit, ok say I get hurt/mad, TRUST ME, that's WAAAY better than me BEING MAD/HURT CUZ YOU LIED AND KEPT A SECRET . At least you were fuckin' honest, you know ?

You know what's the FUNNIEST thing ? That people hate it when I assume . But the thing is : I assume cuz PEOPLE ASSUME about me . Nah seriously . Isn't that the number one reason why people lie ?? Cuz they assume about other people . People lie to me (& to everyone else) CUZ THEY ASSUME IF THEY TELL ME THE TRUTH, I'LL GET MAD .

But anyways, seriously though, I apologize if I doubt you (if you're my friend lol) SOO MUCH . It's not YOU; it seriously is ME [& all the fuckin' people that lied to me and changed me as a person] . I'm just soo used to people lyin' and be fake to me . . so my number one response, all the time, when I see somethin' I don't like from someone, is TO ASSUME and prepare for the worst . I really wish I can change that . . cuz I thought about things . . I bug soo many people sometimes with my assumptions and my life was sooo much better when I didn't worry so much .


-M.C.