Lies

I always get in fights with people verbally these days . I remember not givin' a fuck at all back in the days when I was younger . I just let arguements slip off like nothin' . I would never show my emotions at all even if I knew I was right cuz I never saw the point of arguin' with people when they're just not gon' listen to me; I would just get quiet for hours and try to cool off . I wouldn't talk to anyone 'til I was calm again . . then everything was all good and back to normal again with the people I was just mad at .

But as the years passed by, shit got worse . I don't know, I just got TOO real with people . I stopped givin' a fuck if I hurt someone's feelings; long as they knew the truth and how I felt . I got fed up with all the lyin' and fakin' . I never liked lies/fakin' to begin with . I remember, I was still real to people but nice at the same time around '07 and the years before that . . but with all the bullshit that happened in '06-'07, it forced me to change as a person .

By 'the end of '07, I was such a different person; I realized I really only needed my closest friends . So I didn't really bother payin' much attention to the people that weren't important to me . . so I said anything to them, even if it wasn't so nice . Like I'm talkin' 'bout even with people I was HELLA cool with .

I'm not sayin' I'm not the ONLY one who gets constantly lied to (I'm pretty sure everyone does) but I got enough reasons why I don't trust anyone . . FULLY . I've lost most of my friends to lies . But I can honestly say proudly, I was never the one to lie to a friend that I lost . Man, I don't even feel like I lost friends; I feel like they lost ME . It hurts to 'lose' a friend, but when I see too much fakeness & not a lot of change, it just gets tiring; your hopes & beliefs constantly get crushed . . It gets tiring ESPECIALLY when YOU'RE the only one tryin' to make adjustments to save a frienship .

But yea, reason I'm writin' this is cuz I've fully realized why I constantly argue with people these days . It's funny, cuz I can say 97% of my assumptions came true or EVENTUALLY came true [as months passed] . People always think I'm always tryin' to start fights; but it ain't even like that, I'm just observant of my environment & the things happenin' around it; I'm just expressin' my thoughts/opinions/feelings . I mean, yea, I don't blame people for gettin' mad/frustrated at me cuz I always got some negative thought floatin' on my head about 'em . But hey, at least I'M FUCKIN' HONEST .

I swear, the SMALLEST situation can trigger my cynical side . ONE little mistake can change my outlook on a person . Just cuz I feel like everyone should know wtf's the difference between wrong and right . I mean, don't get it twisted, just cuz my outlook on you changes a bit, don't mean I'm not gon' give you a chance to prove me wrong . I always try to look at other people's perspective, and when I realize I'm wrong, shit I'll admit MY mistakes .

But that's the problem with people . . they don't fuckin' know how to be honest . What pisses me off the MOST is when PEOPLE LIE ABOUT THE SMALLEST THING ! For example : not lettin' me know what's their plans cuz they're scared I might get hurt/mad . Shit, ok say I get hurt/mad, TRUST ME, that's WAAAY better than me BEING MAD/HURT CUZ YOU LIED AND KEPT A SECRET . At least you were fuckin' honest, you know ?

You know what's the FUNNIEST thing ? That people hate it when I assume . But the thing is : I assume cuz PEOPLE ASSUME about me . Nah seriously . Isn't that the number one reason why people lie ?? Cuz they assume about other people . People lie to me (& to everyone else) CUZ THEY ASSUME IF THEY TELL ME THE TRUTH, I'LL GET MAD .

But anyways, seriously though, I apologize if I doubt you (if you're my friend lol) SOO MUCH . It's not YOU; it seriously is ME [& all the fuckin' people that lied to me and changed me as a person] . I'm just soo used to people lyin' and be fake to me . . so my number one response, all the time, when I see somethin' I don't like from someone, is TO ASSUME and prepare for the worst . I really wish I can change that . . cuz I thought about things . . I bug soo many people sometimes with my assumptions and my life was sooo much better when I didn't worry so much .


-M.C.