What I Don't Get About Myself .

There's certain people in my life right now that I know I shouldn't associate myself with at all . And yet, I don't get why I do . They're completely opposite of the person I am . We come from different backgrounds, have different views, different type of friends, different history . And it seriously bothers me the more I get to know these people . It's not that I don't like their views/background; it's more like I don't like how they sugarcoat themselves so they wouldn't be judged . It pisses me off to be honest, cuz me personally ? I never fuckin' lie about the things I do/have done in the past; regardless of how bad it can make me look .

That's what it is, that's what makes you WHO YOU ARE . . your past, even if you're different now . So why hide from it ? If you're confident about yourself now (now that you're 'different'), you shouldn't be ashamed of your past cuz dang, when asked about it, you should easily answer/tell people about it and go "yea, I know, it sounds bad . But fuck that, I'm different now" and SHOW 'em you ARE different .

The reason why I'm never scared to show people who I WAS cuz you can CLEARLY SEE I'm different now; I'm not proud of the bad side of my history but I'm not hiding from it . I guess it's easier for me to talk about my past cuz I'm a 'BETTER' PERSON now I would say . . I can show you what I used to be but at the same time, I can SHOW you I ROSE FROM THE BAD THINGS I did and wouldn't let my bad history repeat itself . It's like I got confidence in myself and wouldn't give a fuck if you judge me cuz of my past . . cuz obviously, my past is what made me a better person . . learning from my mistakes .

And when people hide their past ? It just makes shit look more suspicious, like umm . . "why aren't you tellin' me this ?" IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I CAN'T TRUST 'EM CUZ THEY'RE NOT BEING 100% HONEST TO ME; they're hidin' shit from me . Shit like that just bothers me, cuz when I'm real cool/close to someone,I feel like I should/need to know about their lifestyle/history cuz it it makes me get to know them better .

Seriously, I know too many people who run away from their past so they wouldn't get judged . FUCK THAT . Be real; be real to yourself . . that's how you get respect & trust (at least from me) .

-M.C.