My Problem . . Err Addiction . . ?

Goddamn, I write too fuckin' much . I just got done writin' my previous blog about Michael Vick about 15 minutes ago . I don't know, I think I have a real fuckin' problem . . or addiction with writing . As a young kid, I ALWAYS doubted myself in writing . Shit, every time I was given a writing test/essay when I was younger, my automatic response was "aww shit, automatic 'F', fuck it . ." Like I gave up soo quickly because I was never really confident in my writing skills .

But lately writing, to me, became sooo fuckin' easy . Almost as easy as drawing stick figures . Shit, ever since 9th grade, it just changed . I don't know, I think it's because I started paying more attention in my English class (other than the fact that Mrs. Arrow was young and fuckin' cute :P bhahahahaha damn I STILL remember her face XD lmao) .

But then again . . I doubt it was because I paid more attention . I really do doubt that . I think it's more like I'm such an outspoken person; shit, I can be reeeeaally shy, trust me . . but once you make me real comfortable, I really can't stop talkin' . I think it started off back in 7th grade . Stupid-ass school district put me in two English classes (for 'english learners') because I spoke another language . Shit, to be honest, I'm not mad come to think of it, because wow, I can honestly say I had two of the greatest teachers ever; Ms. Brannin & Mrs. Nelson .

These two women, are probably, the first reason(s) why I'm such an outspoken person now . Especially Mrs. Nelson . I miss that woman, real talk; I havn't seen her since I passed her class (2004) . I can still remember how her class was . I thought she was a total fuckin' bitch in the beginning, but as class progressed, WOW, my opinions on her changed . Around that time/year, I still had such a low confidence level on my writing skills, yet my outspoken side . But damn, this woman, I would honestly say, was one of the first people [if not the FIRST], to make me realize this 'gift/curse (I say curse 'cause I hate how I can't stop writin'/havin' opinions on things -_-)' I have .

I remember she believed in me so much regardless of how bad I was at writin' . I mean I'm talkin' about even through the times I could barely write two fuckin' sentences to start a damn paragraph -__- . It makes me tear up thinkin' 'bout it to be honest . I still remember her tellin' me that I have a gift . I wasn't too sure at the time wtf she was talkin' about since I didn't believe in myself much . Then one day, when I totally gave up on myself with an exercise assignment, she told me "just write whatever you can/want on these topics I give you, even if it's not written the right way ." She basically just told me, WRITE MY OPINION(S) on things I see/hear about/read about; WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS, JUST WRITE/SAY SOMETHIN' !

So eventually, I started pickin' up . I wrote more and more . But the difference was: even if I wasn't so confident on what I wrote down, I said somethin'/wrote about the topics she gave us/things we read about, even if they bored/did not interest me . But the thing is, she was actually impressed with the opinions I wrote down even if I didn't use proper spellings, proper grammar, etc . On the last day of school, she had written somethin' in my 'warm-up' notebook that even to this day, touches my heart deep inside . Shit, I STILL HAVE THAT NOTEBOOK 'cause what she wrote meant/means so fuckin' much to me . I don't remember exactly what she had said . . but to summarize it, she just told me that I have a gift and she believes I'll become someone/somethin' big one day and she EXPECTS to hear from me once I become that someone/somethin' she predicted . . Crazy, at times I lose motivation, I think about her/what she said and it motivates me . . 'cause I feel like I need to prove somethin' to her . . and I can't just let people like that to see me lose/give up . You know, you're not gon' disappoint someone who changed you regardless of where they're at now .

But yeah, as years passed (except 8th grade; wow prolly my worst year in an English class), I became more efficient in writin' . I wouldn't say I'm one of the best . . but I think my skills are exceptional . And I really doubt it's all from learnin' how to use proper grammar, spell the right away, etc . . . I think it's more like it's from havin' GREAT English teachers . Wow what a surprise ! All my fav. teachers, except my 8th grade one (fat-fuck; I don't even remember her name) AND 12th grade one (Mr. Jorgensen was a punk-ass faggot), have been my English teachers . They all taught me to open up my mind and let out my opinions . .

Problem is . . I can't stop thinkin'/analyzin' shit (being opinionated) on almost every fuckin' thing . . . -_____- lol . . .

Fuckin' dumb-ass brain . . UGH; sometimes I really wish I can stop . . 'cause I don't know . All I fuckin' do is think and write shit . . . blaaaah . It bothers me 'cause sometimes I think I write waaay more than I draw; funny 'cause drawing is my 1st passion .

-M.C.