How Can I

talk about how I may be losing my love for art.. I mean, damn, art is all I've ever known.

Maybe sometimes I get "too much" art.. so I get tired of it.. but then, when I see/meet/surround myself with creative artists.. I get inspired and reminded I'm kidding myself when I feel like giving up on it as an artist.

-M.C.

WOW

So I've been seeing so many quotes from well-known people lately.. and their sayings/thinking correlates with my fucking thinking so much. I mean, people that I LOOK UP TO when it comes to science/art.

I thought I was the only who's thought about shit that goes through my brain.. but I guess every genius think alike.. hah yeah, I said it. I'm a fucking genius. Believe that.

But anyways, I was on Tumblr and I saw someone put a quote that came from Pablo Picasso..

And it went like this..

"Everything you can imagine is real."

Wow..

-M.C.

Death

"We look at death from the selfish side. Like, you know, 'that guy died.. oh it's so sad.' Why is it sad? He's away from all this bad stuff here on Earth. I mean, at worst, he's just somewhere quiet.. no nothing. At best he's an angel.. or he's a spirit somewhere, you know. What is so bad about that?" - 2Pac

I used to be worried about death.. what's going to happen after I die.. do I go to Heaven.. do I go to Hell.. do I just disappear and be forgotten forever..? All those questions (and more) have circled my mind ever since I can remember..

But you know what? I'm not even worried anymore.. because I believe that whatever you believe that's going to happen willl happen in the afterlife.

I have endless theories and beliefs to what's to become of me after I leave this planet.. galaxy.. universe.. dimension.

I somewhat believe in reincarnation.. although I don't have enough knowledge of it. But I feel like I might be reborn as my descendant(s) in the future (because you know how people always talk about "ooh you look like you're great great great grandparent!").. or an animal.. or an entity/being in another part of the Universe..

Or maybe my soul will just appear somewhere in what we call "space.." and just float/wander around the stars and planets.. watching over other beings.. and knowing all the answers to life/reality.

I know, sounds trippy.

But yeah, so for all of you who believe in Heaven/Hell, there is such a thing! It's all in your head/beliefs.. and it will come true.. whatever you believe in.. Even if you've done so much wrong on this planet and yet you still believe you'll go to Heaven, regardless of what religious officials may tell you, you will go to Heaven.. wherever it may be.

And luckily, I don't believe in Hell.. or Heaven! Although, going to Heaven would be nice. I mostly just believe in total peace after life, if I'm to wander in our Universe.. peace.. Yes, peace, greater knowledge, understanding, and wisdom about reality/life, and having eternal life.

Or I can be reincarnated in the Star Wars Galaxy and be a Jedi :P hah that'd be great as well.

-M.C.

There is a God..

No, it isn't the "God" that everyone worships.. But I can prove, through logic and some science, that there is something that created everything we know, see, touch, feel, ponder about. It makes my hairs stand every time I think about this because it's very mind-blowing. But to make things clearer, I'd like to call my god, "the Creator" instead, because "God," is the dude above the heavens that is soo divine and untouchable, nobody can question his existence. "The Creator" is an everlasting being that does not love, hate, judge, or asks for anything back.. because we are merely part of its imagination.. "It" already knows the actions we're going to take, because "it" has already created our destiny; our past, present, and future.

I wish I can explain my theory in its fullest form in one sitting because it MAKES SENSE.. but even I can't fully comprehend it all at the same time.

Sad thing is, I'm probably the only one who's really going to understand my theory.. which saddens me because I really want to share it with everyone.

I have often, and continue, to question our existence.. but I feel like I've found the answer.. and it doesn't end here. It's forever-evolving.. because I'm finally starting to realize that life isn't meant to be answered.. we can only question and wonder.. and create our own understanding of life.

I know I sound crazy.. but I'd rather not be simple-minded.

-M.C.

Thoughts That Kill Me

Sometimes I feel like I've lost my creativity.. what's worse is sometimes I feel like I'm losing my passion/love for art as an artist.. I mean, as an observer, of course, I still love art.. but as an artist, it bothers me the most feeling like I'm losing my love/passion for the thing I've always adored..

-M.C.

The Artistic Side of Marijuana

My friends have always told me to try drawing when I'm high.. I've always told 'em "nah I can't do it, I wouldn't be able to concentrate."

But last night, the homie Alvaro visited from Cali (you know damn well he brought some bomb-ass Cali kush), and the homies and I got high at Dexter Park. Summer and her boyfriend brought their art supplies and this magazine called Juxtapoz with them. That magazine is beyond unbelievable. I've always seen it at bookstores but have never really checked it out. Last night was the second time I've checked out another issue of the magazine. It's filled with damn creative people.. like shit that'll really inspired you.

I saw Summer and her boyfriend's paintings.. and to add to it, Frankie's imaginative ass started drawing.. they all inspired me alongside the photography, drawings, paintings, etc. from the magazine.. so I decided to give drawing while I'm high a try..

And damn! I felt so free.. like I didn't worry about how my drawing will turn out (which is usually my problem) and I actually concentrated more than I expected.. I didn't finish the drawing though cuz my high eventually went away.. but I'm definitely going to give drawing while I'm high another chance and see if it'll have the same effect.

-M.C.

Today, I Realized..

I'm full of excuses.. it's October 7th, 2010 and yet my tattooing career hasn't gotten nowhere.. I still don't know how to set up a tattoo machine, I still havn't tattooed anyone, I still havn't finished my portfolio [which was supposed to be turned in as early as January of last year.]

I always come up with an excuse.. I've wasted so much time bullshitting..

Lately, I've been telling my friends how I'm a genius and how I want to be remembered down in history.. not just be remembered.. I want to be in books read by students.. admired in a high level.. passed that celebrity status.. I want to make an impact in this world like my idols did (Da Vinci, Einstein, Corbet, Stephen Hawking..)

And yet.. at 20 years old, about to be 21, I still havn't accomplished shit in my life.. cuz of what? Excuses..

-M.C.

Come To Think of It..

You know how everyone always talks about how Kobe Bryant's first three rings were "Shaq's rings?" Well I came across a random YouTube video tonight about one of Kobe's best games (against the Sacramento Kings in Game 4 of the Western Conference Semi-Finals in 2001) and read the comments on it (like I always do.) I came across a comment that signifies Kobe's importance in those three rings he, Shaq and the Lakers won during their three-peat. I just thought I'd post it because the person who left it made a very, very good point.


"How many has rings have Shaq and Kobe won 2gether...3!How many has Shaq won without Kobe......1!How many has Kobe won without Shaq....2!!!The crazy thing is Shaq has had Penny Hardaway, Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, Steve Nash, Amare Stoudemire and all he manages is 1 without Kobe, while Kobe has had way less to work with.No offense to Pau Gasol, Bynum Odom or Artest to but look at the list of guys Shaq has had!!!More like Shaq needed Kobe just as bad as he needed Shaq to make it work." - KB24Lakers4ever

EXACTLY .. On point.

-M.C.

My Mother

She's everything that I can ask for from a person.

She does so much and yet never asks for anything back..

She's the main reason why I still haven't thrown my life away.. I mean, I have so much to live for.. But when it's all said and done, I think she's going to be affected the most with what I do with my life, since she's done so much for me.. so much that I don't think I can ever re-pay her.

That's why I try to get my life straight now..

It's not even for me anymore..

It's for the people I love.. especially her.

-M.C.

It Hasn't Even Been a Year

And we might move again . . It's funny how life problems can create tensions between "friends ." I don't know if it's just my mom who wants to move out of this house or me trippin' out and thinkin' my mom's bestfriend and her family want us out . It's not even just me thinkin' like that though . The vibe these people are giving out totally changed . And the fact my homie Frankie "lives" with us too is like a "burden" to them probably . Man, I'm not in this house to play around and pretend about shit . If these people want us out, I'd rather be out than live here cuz they feel bad about us . Fuck it .

I hate how my mom's "bestfriend" and her husband are always rude to me . I always try to say hi and be polite to them but these people have been giving me attitudes and ignoring me when I say hi . I don't give a fuck if they got life problems; I understand that but everyone is going through shit . If anything, my family have WAY MORE problems than these two people . I know she took us in last year and her kids took us in this year when we all lost our houses, but for some reason, ever since her husband's been around, I don't know who she is, but she keeps acting like we owe her shit . Last time I remember, my mom took care of her ass when she was almost dying from her damn sickness two years ago . But what ? The times my grandma went to the hospital and when my mom had a stroke, I NEVER saw her take care of neither of them .

Ha life is funny . . but I just feel bad for my family . . how we have to constantly move .

-M.C.

One of the Best Sports Articles I've Ever Read

"In the here and now, LeBron James probably did the best thing for himself.

By joining Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami to form an NBA superpower squad, James, who announced Thursday night that he was bolting Cleveland via free agency, will more than likely win a championship -- or two or three -- sooner rather than later.

And ultimately, that's what James so desperately wants after seven "failed" seasons with the Cavaliers.

But in the long run, James has clearly damaged his name -- his brand, if you will -- by joining forces with other star players at the height of his NBA career.

James, 25, can't ever truly be considered the greatest player, on par with Michael Jordan.

[+] Enlarge

Jerry Wachter/NBAE/Getty ImagesMichael Jordan had to struggle before his Bulls found their wings.

That has been the comparison for James from Day 1 in the NBA after coming directly from high school.

But it will be hard for many to not think that James simply took the easy way out. Instead of fighting and working to build his own legacy and win by leading the way, James took the path of least resistance.

He jumped on Wade's back, with a boost up from Bosh, in order to win.

It's a move an aging, ring-less veteran might take. But not a man dubbed "King James" and "The Chosen One."

That's the reason James didn't sign with the Knicks. Or even the Nets, who have a wonderful move to Brooklyn in the future.

Those gigs would have been too hard. Sadly, James wasn't willing to put up the risk for the reward at the end.

James had a great opportunity to go to the Knicks and win, put NYC on the NBA map once again. All the resources were in place. The stage was set. All it was going to take were a few more players and a little time.

The Knicks haven't won a championship since 1973 and have basically been irrelevant for more than a decade.

Had James been able to win, he would have been in a place where only legends exist. Add a second and third championship and James would have had a statue on 7th Avenue in front of the World's Most Famous Arena. Jordan, of course, has a statue in front of the United Center.

There are no other players frozen in history with Jordan. That won't be the case if these three win the way many NBA experts expect.

Somebody better order more bronze.

Sure, James can enjoy South Beach and win there. People will still be excited and buy his sneakers.

But deep down, many will know James decided to put the onus on others and not take on the lead role in a movie everyone thought he was going to star in.

It should come as no surprise that owners, coaches and players around the league were shocked with his decision to join Wade's team. After all, Wade has already won a championship. LeBron went down there to join in on the winning he couldn't accomplish in Ohio.

Many thought James was looking for his Robin to win. Finally, he revealed to everyone that he's Robin and needed a Batman.

James has done nothing wrong. He was a free agent and had a right to go wherever he wanted, including Miami.

LeBron James spurned the Big Apple for Miami. If you're a glutton for punishment, here are his greatest moments on the court. Photo gallery

Still, it just doesn't feel right.

James not only cheated the fans, but himself.

What made Jordan great wasn't just winning six championships in six tries. Or the six NBA Finals MVPs he won.

The journey and the struggle were just as impressive. Early on, many said he was a great scorer, but wouldn't win anything. Jordan didn't win a championship until his seventh season. Before that, he couldn't get past the Pistons, losing three years in a row before finally breaking through.

It was monumental when he finally got there. People marveled at his perseverance, his determination.

Jordan would have never asked to be traded to the Pistons or Celtics in an attempt to win faster and easier. Or even become a free agent to escape the burden of trying to win his own title.

In 2006, James told ESPN The Magazine, "I don't want to go ring hunting. I want to stay in Cleveland and build a championship."

James not only changed his mind, but, apparently, no longer wants a shot at being the greatest, either."

-Rob Parker

-M.C.

Biggest Quitter In NBA History

I'm sorry, I don't care what anybody says . . even if LeBron James wins a championship for the next 5 years with D-Wade and Chris Bosh, he will never be in the same breath as Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, and Kobe Bryant, just because he quit on his OWN hometown city and will never lead a team on his back to a champhionship . I'll give it to the Heats, they WILL be a problem for my Lakers and will possibly beat the Lakers . . but their championships won't be as sweet since it's going to take THREE superstars to win .

-M.C.

So Much Anticipation

Months of waiting . . And yet it ended so quick . EDC was cool . It met some of my expectations and yet, I did not expect it the way it came out . Made me realize so many things : about life, people, family, and my friends all over again .

This might be my last rave [or for a long time] . . been a year since I really raved and I think I'm going to end it the right way, with EDC . We'll see what comes out of this experience .


-M.C.

Don't Get Left Behind . .

"It'll be hard but life ain't slowin' down for me so I gotta catch up . "

-M.C.

Ever Since

I stopped trippin'/givin' a fuck about most things (little things/big things) about people/my "friends", life has been soooo much easier :)

-M.C.

Still On That Real Lyrical Shit

I'll write more about what LeBron's future/legacy will be later or some other time . . I already know what's gon' happen .

-M.C.

Happy Mother's Day

To all the women out there . . especially the three most important women, if not people, in my life : My Mama, my Loli, and Lola Luz

Even though, I've failed the three of you nonstop, I am tryin' my hardest to become a better man/person and although I'll never be able to repay any of you, I'll do my best to do it .

Mama - to all the pain I've caused you and yet you stay by my side . .

Loli - same as what I said about Mama . . but to especially to all your hardwork to give better life/education to your grandchildren .

Lola Luz - to all you've done for me as a child; I miss you very much and I hope I get to see you soon . . it hurts that I havn't seen you in 8 years .

-M.C.

Way To Start Mother's Day

Got my F I R S T traffic violation on Mother's Day right when I was just gettin' home . I take the blame for not havin' my headlights on (I forgot after we stopped at McDeez) . . one lil' fuckin' mistake and officer fuck-face Richard Goslar handcuffs me and threatens me with a buncha shit . Thanks for twisting my story up and accusing me of tellin' a lie . It's true what they say about motorcycle cops . HA . One good reason I'll never trust cops : THEY LIE AND TWIST YOUR STORY UP !

"Without a gun or a badge, what do ya got ? A sucka in a uniform waitin' to get shot ." - Eazy-E

-M.C.

Time Changes . . And People Change Too

I don't know what it is, but I can honestly say I'm a more responsible person now that I've ever been . I love the new me actually . . I care less, in the sense of not gettin' butt-hurt/caring too much for things that don't matter .

Don't get it twisted, I actually party harder in 2010 than I've ever done my whole entire life . You can say, I do more "illegal" things these days when it comes to partyin' . But hey, every 20-year-old college kid goes through that, right . . ? But the thing about me is, now I'm actually more careful when I do stupid things when I party .

But yeah, I feel like I've become more responsible more than anything . I mean, I still have A LOT of flaws . . but I think as a family man, I've gotten better . I'm actually glad I didn't move to California back in August . . I can't believe I had soo many fights with my mom about movin' to Cali, to the point I made it seem like it's her fault why I hated my life . . lookin' back, it hurts me .

I'm glad I didn't move cuz I feel like being with my family, especially through all the tragic things we've been through (us losin' our house again, my grandma being sent to the hospital, etc .), it brought me closer to my mom . . Since my dad's in California workin' and hardly being able to come home [cuz of tight budget], I feel like my mom needed me the most than ever with all the shit my family's been through .

I mean, I still feel like I'm not the son my parents expected me to be when I was born . . but I'm slowly makin' progress . I really AM tryin', to be honest .

I believe parts of the reason I've become more responsible is because of life problems, the economy, and most importantly, my relatives from the Philippines . . they've been through so much from day one . . both from my mom and dad's side . I've always felt like FAMILY COMES FIRST but every day I think about things, I'm startin' to feel that I need to put my intentions aside, and put my family first; that's what my cousins in the Philippines are doin' .

I don't even wanna be a famous rapper anymore to be honest [especially of how mainstream Hip-Hop has become so disgusting; fakes everywhere] . . or maybe even a tattoo artist . . and I'm startin' to really not give a fuck about impressin' my peers anymore . . I feel that sometimes I need to put my dreams/bullshittin' aside and set out for what really matters . . cuz at the end of the day, who's really gon' stay down for you when everything falls off ?

"Don't make the mistakes I made . Go to school, get good grades ! Don't worry 'bout tryin' to get paid ! Cuz at the end of the day, the only real thing, is WHATEVER'S STILL HERE, WHEN THE MONEY GO AWAY ! " - rapper, Saigon .

-M.C.

Congratulations

To the Oklahoma City Thunder for winning game 3 of the NBA 2009-2010 Playoffs . . THANKS TO THE REFS !!

Don't get it twisted, the players for the Thunder made some crucial moves and the Lakers DID miss A LOT of shots .

BUT . . every fuckin' move the Lakers did, it was a foul on 'em !
But when Lakers got fouled, refs didn't call shit

Thanks refs ! For fuckin' up the game .


-M.C.

Imagine

So tonight, I realized how much imagination goes through my head . I've always found myself pretty imaginative . . but I didn't realize 'til now that I'm such a dreamer . I just noticed how much I say, "Imagine this/imagine that ." It's amazing if you ask me . . and I'm ALWAYS day-dreaming/imagining things . . how things started . . how things work . . how things used to be . . how it's gon' be in the future . . etc .

There are soo many possibilities out there . . soo many ways . . soo many outcomes .

Regardless on how I perform at school, I truly believe I'm one of the smartest people that's ever lived . Not because of how much I know . . but my will to imagine things . . to be soo . . CURIOUS .

They say curiosity killed the cat . . But I say curiosity saved the cat .

Think about it, without curiosity, the human race would've been wiped out a loooong time ago . It's our IMAGINATION and our will to try things that's helped us come from the bottom of the foodchain to the top .

My curiosity has helped me with my reading and writing . . I've learned to love reading because of curiosity, as I am always eager to KNOW about how things work . . I've learned to love writing because of curiosity, as I'm always eager to express/share my thoughts/views and see how people react to it; whether they don't like it or learn something from it .

I just noticed how much I really use the word "imagine" in my daily life . . like no joke, I use it A LOT . . Shows how curious I am .

I think I'ma get "IMAGINE" tatted on me soon . . or one day . DEFINETELY .



You may say I'm a dreamer . . but I'm not the only one .

-M.C.

Wow . . Seriously, Eagles . . ?

So tonight, I found out the Eagles traded Donovan McNabb . . the Eagle's BEST franchise quarterback ever . What a fuckin' sad ending . . this shit seriously broke my heart . While Donovan never won a title there, I felt like if they gave him more time (maybe this upcoming season), when he actually does have weapons to use, he would win one . . I'm truly disappointed by the Eagles' decision-making . . especially knowing he was traded to our rival-team (the Redskins) .

I remember when I started liking the Eagles when I started really watchin' football . . it was cuz of McNabb . Why was the Eagles' organization/Philly FANS so quick to get rid of McNabb . . ? I feel like that's a disrespectful way of sayin' bye . . like we can do better with Vick (who Donovan beat in the 2004 NFC Champhionship game) or Kolb, who hasn't even proven shit .

From the day McNabb was drafted, Philly fans have been disrespectful towards him, what the hell is wrong with people from Philly . . ?

It would've been tight to see McNabb finally hold the trophy as an Eagle . . but I guess that's not happenin' . .

-M.C.

Fuckin' Nasty

So the T.V. is on MTV right now . About 15 minutes ago, the preview for the new season for The Hills was on and I wasn't really payin' attention . . but I took a quick glance and saw a scene where Heidi Montag was at . . I didn't recognize her at first cuz I thought it was another person . . then I continued to listen to the people who were talkin' and it turned out, it was Heidi . . I was HORRIFIED ! She looked fuckin' scary ! Supposedly, she had everything "re-done ." I couldn't believe my eyes cuz she looked like something straight out of a scary movie . . So I googled her and there it goes . . it's true . I used to fuckin' think she was a cutie but now, I'm scared shitless to look at her pictures .

I don't mean to generalize White people . . but why do RICH White people do this to themselves ? The majority of people who get surgery [from what I've witnessed] are rich White people . . What is it about feelin' self-concious that lead 'em to plastic surgery ? Honestly, there's things I hate about my looks (i.e. my stretch marks, pimple scars, etc.) but I would never get a nose job, chin job, EXTREME surgery . That's just wrong . . for one : it's fuckin' painful . Secondly : I hate being fake ! Yea anyways, if you got all the money in the world, beautiful looks, etc . . what else can you fuckin' want more ?! That's just somethin' I don't get about rich White people/rich people in general .

-M.C.

The Joker

The Joker from The Dark Knight movie . . from the moment I saw that movie, I just had to give it to Heath Ledger . I'm watchin' the movie again tonight (I havn't seen it since it came out) . I think Heath Ledger's performance is still the best superheroe villain portrayal I've ever seen . What separates it from other villains in superheroe movies is the fact he was able to show how truly evil The Joker is; most villains in superheroe movies are just the typical "evil" guys who get beated up/killed by the main heroe at the end . Heath Ledger's performance showed how twisted The Joker really is . He even had the perfect accent, laugh, expressions, movements, etc. of The Joker . The fact that The Joker in this movie didn't have any initial plans (e.g. conquering the world, killing Batman, etc.) and he didn't really have anything to lose . He just loved to mess with Batman and the people of Gotham City . More importantly, he didn't care if Batman killed him . To me (and probably to most people too), this is the best Batman movie ever thanks to Heath Ledger .

-M.C.

Proud Of Myself .

So my spring break of '10 is DEFINITELY different . . I didn't go to Cali this time . I was going to go to a massive rave called Beyond Wonderland in Cali though . . but I didn't . Since it was my cousin's engagement party tonight (same day as the rave); you know FAMILY COMES FIRST as always so, although I was really bummed, I wasn't trippin' that much . I had to do put it down for my cousin . His fiance' Jen is pretty dope too and I got a lot of love for her so yeea .

But yeea, I spent my whole spring break mostly at home . I practiced drawing everynight (since I finally got my tattoo machine !!!) and I reviewed for the upcoming test on Monday . . can't believe I actually studied . . havn't studied for years . I need this though . . cuz COLLEGE AIN'T FREE !

Anyways, after my cuzzo's engagement party tonight, the homies (Mikayla, Cruz, Mariah) and I went to a rave at Fort Cheyenne . . it was aight honestly . I still talked/danced/socialized . But one thing that was different was I DIDN'T ROLL ! And I had two pills with me . I feel soo proud of myself . . ON THE REAL .

I practiced drawing, studied, and didn't roll during spring break . That's an accomplished in my eyes . . cuz I ain't the most perfect kid out there .

-M.C.

Muzik Talk 2 : KiD CuDi

I first heard about KiD CuDi either summer of 2007 or 2008; the song "Day N' Night" has been around before it became a hit in 2009 . I remember my homie Coke havin' it on his MySpace page . . I liked how the beat and flow of the song went but I didn't really think he was lyrical so I didn't check out more of his music .

Then around November of '09, one of my friends suggested I listen to KiD CuDi's song "Pursuit of Happiness" . Again, I was sort of disappointed of his lyricism so I didn't check more of his music out .

But while I was in Cali for winter break in 2009, my homie Alvaro kept bumpin' him when we'd get faded. . at first I was kinda annoyed cuz I wanted to hear some lyrical shit but I remember him playin' "Pursuit of Happiness" and "Up, Up & Away" then I quickly fell in love with his music (though, I still won't consider myself a "big fan ") . I don't know if it's the weed or what, but for some reason, I fell in love with those songs . Goin' to T.A.O. for New Years didn't help either as David Guetta kept bumpin' his music (haha) .

KiD CuDi is probably the only rapper that I don't mind listenin' to even if he's not lyrical; it's the things that he says that capture my interest . He doesn't say things in his rap songs like a Nas or an Eminem would say . The thing about him is his simplicity : somethin' everyone (in my opinion) can relate to .

-M.C.

Seriously Though . .

This guy cannot be stopped . . 109-107 Lakers

-M.C.

I Wanna Change . .

I wanna stop fuckin' messin' with these damn drugs . damn ; that ain't me .

-M.C.

Welcome Back, Kobe

What a comeback . . hittin' the game-winning shot again [against Memphis] ; 99-98 Lakers :)

-M.C.

Dedicated

If I can describe my cousin Aubrey, that's the word I would use . Congratulations on your graduation .

-M.C.

One Who Will Truly Change History

Clyde Tombaugh's (the man who discovered Pluto) ashes aboard the New Horizons, a NASA spacecraft that's supposed to study Pluto . . and BEYOND . I think it's the craziest idea I've ever heard to put his ashes in the spacecraft . The spacecraft is said to go beyond Pluto after it studies the dwarf planet . . as far as it can go . Damn, imagine his ashes land on a planet; that means his ashes can bring life to a planet (with the right environment) OR what if his ashes are discovered by other intelligent lifeforms in the Universe . . imagine how crazy those "people" would go if they find a spacecraft, with some ashes, crashin' onto their planet . . WOW . Damn . . even if the spacecraft don't land anytime soon, his body will travel the Universe where no man OR machine (in Earth's history) has ever gone ! WOW .

-M.C.

Team of the Decade ? Yes

-M.C.

I Still Wonder

Only person I feel truly comfortable with . . the fuck is up with me (?)

-M.C.

Where Kobe Happens

-M.C.

Hasn't Even Been A Year . .

And we moved again . . fuckin' economy, man . . this time it wasn't even our house that we lost . . it was actually my mom's bestfriend's . Shit .

-M.C.

Childhood Hobby

Damn, I'm feelin' to start makin' comics again . I been havin' this idea for almost a month now . I keep seeing soo many cool designs and drawings . And I've been thinkin' . . I wanna start doin' comics again to maybe improve my drawing skills (that's how I got better at drawing as a kid) . Hmm . . O.o

-M.C.

So Drew Brees & the Saints will represent the NFC and Peyton Manning & the Colts will represent the AFC for Super Bowl 44 . I guess I'm happy for the Saints for their first Super Bowl appearance in their bad football history and the fact that Reggie Bush plays for them so yea . And I'm happy for Manning for another Super Bowl appearance too . I didn't really care who won the AFC/NFC Championship games but I wished the Jets would've won the Jets/Colts game though cuz of Mark Sanchez (he played for USC just like Reggie Bush) . And I wished the Vikings would've won too cuz of Favre and Adrian Peterson . But oh well, should be a good Super Bowl match-up since both the Saints and Colts are high-scoring teams . I think I'll go for the Colts . . hmm .

-M.C.

My Mama Always Comes Through . .

"That's alright; to mourn and cry . That's always how things are in the beginning; it's hard to accept it . I was just like that . But things will get better . You'll eventually learn how to cope with things and realize things will be better in time . That's how life is; nothing's for certain . . but you gotta be strong."

-Rebecca Cortes .

When things go wrong, my mom always know how to keep everyone's head up . .

-M.C.

Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number

He did it again . . Brett Favre and the Vikings crushed the Cowgirls in a 34-3 win ! >:) hah . A lot of people doubted Favre cuz he didn't do as well as people thought he would last season when he signed with the Jets; people were probably most worried about his age . . but I never doubted the old man ! Haha . A playoff career-high 4 touchdowns today, baby ! Shoooot .

-M.C.

Another Loss . .

Damn, the Pats got blown by the Ravens this morning 33-14 . Very similar beating the Eagles got from the Cowboys . . damn . Well, I'm hoping for the Vikes to go to the Super Bowl . . if not, the Colts; even though they're not one of my fav. teams, they've always been one of those teams I liked .

Wow Another Disappointing Year . .

Woooow, tonight was such a horrible night for me . . My eagles got blown 34-14 by, possibly the team I hate the most, Cowboys . I gotta give it to them though . . they literally out-ran us . Their defense did it again for the 2nd time in 2 weeks . . This season was full of high hopes . . and to end to the hands of the Cowboys ? Wow, that's possibly the worst thing that can happen . . their own hated rivals . .

Well at least there was a REALLY good highlight from the game . . from MICHAEL VICK ! I knew he'd come through as I predicted when he signed with my team . . but his one really good play didn't cut it enough . . damn . .

And my Beangles . . lost to the Jets . . Another upsetting season for Chad Ochocinco (my fav. player) and Carson Palmer . . Damn Carson got beaten by his own kind too . . Mark Sanchez . . a USC Trojan ! Well I don't really like the Jets (considering they're from NY ha no disrespect) . I'm happy for Sanchez though . . I just like him cuz he was a Trojan hah . Well, I hope Sanchez can take the Jets to the AFC championship game cuz I'd hate to see the fuckin' Chargers go .

Now I just gotta depend on my 2nd favorite team, who are still yet to play tomorrow, the Patriots . Let's get it Brady . . get that 4th ring, brah . If not, I still got hopes for the Vikes (not really a fan . . I just like 'em cuz of Adrian "All Day" Peterson" and Brett Favre) .

-M.C.

Pretty Interesting Show

I always love watchin' shows/documentaries about the history/development of human beings as a species . . Tonight I saw a 3-part show that was about that (I saw the first part; Becoming Us) . It talked about what differentiated us from our 'cousin' ancestors, the Neandethrals, and so many other things about the modern humans (how we survived, our creativity, etc.) . I'm hopin' to see the other two episodes of this show . The next episode is called So Human, So Chimp .

-M.C.

Definition Of Toughness

So I'm watchin' a re-run of the show This Emotional Life: "Rethinking Happiness" (I'm watchin' the first half of the show; I only saw the second half last night) . This is truly one of the best shows/documentaries I've ever seen in my life .

As I mentioned before, they interviewed different people from different backgrounds . One of the people they interviewed was a man named Robert Shumaker . He was a P.O.W. from the Vietnam War . His story intrigued me sooo much that it changed my life in the sense of the way I think about my future regarding my dreams . . let's just say his story made me more optimistic .

I'm not going to write about his whole story, but I can tell you this man is one tough person . The fact that he found ways to be positive all throughout the EIGHT YEARS he was locked up and tortured in Vietnam should be enough to tell you why I admire his story . I suggest everyone to do a research on his story .

-M.C.

Pursuit Of Happiness

As of right now, I'm watchin' this one show on PBS called This Emotional Life: "Rethinking Happiness" . It has different episodes I guess (the next one is called "Facing Our Fears"); this one is obviously about happiness . It talks about what makes us, human beings, happy . It's definitely one of the best shows I've ever watched .

In this episode, they talked to different people (ages/races/social status/etc) about what makes 'em happy . As the show went on, I found it very interesting how some of the things they talked about correlated with some of my recent ideas about what really makes/will make me happy .

Some of them had past problems that got in the way of their happiness (bad childhood, criminal background, sickness, money problems, social problems, etc.) . It intrigued me because through it all, they all had ways of finding happiness . The one thing that probably connected with my idea at most was : not worrying about others and just living your own life/satisfying yourself and your loved ones .

Lately, I've realized that I have been trying too hard to make others like me or I've been doing things the wrong way (for example, I just realized I've been doin' music for lust of fame/money and not for the passion I have for it . .) . I've been wanting to 'redeem' myself by just doin' my own thing and not worrying so much about other things . .

-M.C.

The Most Painful Thought

I love/hate how imaginative my brain is . I think about things that an average person don't think about on a daily basis . . and yet, every day, my brain never stops wondering . Tonight, I was lookin' through the Internet about cosmology (study of the Universe in its totality), then I came across a video on Youtube about it and I decided to read the comments . People were arguin' about the creator of the Universe . Of course, some of them immediately said it was God who created everything .

It made me think for a minute . . the same old questions I been askin' myself since I was a kid . . "who did create the Universe ?"/"where did the Universe come from ?"/"what created the Universe ?"

To me, this is the most painful thought . Even scientists can't totally explain the creation of the Universe . But I always love/hate thinkin' about it . I think it's fun to think about it because it expands my thinkin' but once my imagination starts runnin', I start hatin' the thought of it because . . well, it can't be explained .

The fact that I am now (been for years) an atheist, I always count on science to explain everything . But back when I believed in God, I never really questioned the creation of the Universe because my answer was right in front of me . . GOD .

Even though I put my trust on science, I never fail to think about other people's beliefs (to a certain extent) . When someone tells me it's God who created the Universe, I can't help to think/challenge those people where God came from and how he/she became the being that he/she is . Isn't it irritating ? To think where our 'creator' came from .

If you believe that there's someone who created us all (if you don't, then pretend), then imagine this : go back in time . . even before the very first seconds of the creation of the Universe . . when everything was pitch black . . COMPLETE NOTHINGNESS . . there was someone sittin' out there, alone by themself . With nothing around him/her . Then one day, he/she decided to create space . Who is this someone ? WHY is he/she alone ? How did he/she become the being that he/she is ? WHERE did he/she come from ? How long/many years has he/she been sittin' alone ? Or more importantly, WHAT MADE THEM DECIDE TO CREATE such a large (VERY LARGE) space that even to the end of time, NO ONE will ever discover it's size and quantity ?

It hurts to think about it, doesn't it ? To think of the history of our 'creator' . Even if we do find out, we still have to find/figure out who/what created the creator of the being that created us . In other words, who is God's parents/ancestors (?)

Even if you scientifically think about it, it's still hard to make assumptions/ideas about it . For example, the Big Bang theory . Even though I am convinced this is a more valuable reasoning for our creation, I still can't help but to wonder . . where did that little energy that created everything come from AND what caused it to react ?

Think about it . . it's quite interesting . Every night, I seriously never go to bed without questioning our Universe's existance . Especially when I'm at a place where the sky is filled with stars . It's truly baffling in my opinion . Like I said earlier, even to the end of time, I doubt these questions will ever be answered . . but IF one day, answers do come, I would love to hear/learn about it . .

Imagine . . maybe our reality is just a dream of another person's reality . . . . .

-M.C.

Somethin' To Relate To . Hah

"I wish I was like six-foot-nine
So I could get with Leoshi, cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine .
You know I see her all the time .
Everywhere I go, and even in my dreams, I can scheme of ways to make her mine .
Cause I know she's livin' phat;
Her boyfriend's tall,
and he plays ball,
so how am I gonna compete with that ?
'Cause when it comes to playing basketball, I'm always last to be picked .
And in some cases never picked at all .
So I just lean upon the wall,
or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the girls, who came to watch their men ball .
Dag y'all ! I never understood that;
Why the jocks get the fly girls, and me [?] I get the hood rats .
I tell 'em scat, skittle, skibobble .
Got hit with a bottle,
and put in the hospital,
for talkin' that mess .
I confess,
it's a shame,
when you livin' in a city, that's the size of a box and nobody knows yo' name .
Glad I came,
to my senses, like quick-quick, got sick-sick to my stomach .
Overcome with my thoughts of me and her together right?
So when I asked her out she said I wasn't her type ."

-"I Wish I Was A Baller" by Skee-Lo

sometimes I really do feel like this haha . . dayum .

-M.C.

2010 New Years

So last night (Dec. 31st-Jan. 1st), I spent my new years with my friends (for the first time) in California (fot the first time again haha) at TAO (Together As One; for the first time . . AGAIN hahah) .

That was possibly one of my most I-Was-Sooo-Fucked-Up nights . . it was REAL dope though . Met sooo many chill people out there . I was all around the arena and tent talkin' to random-ass people (lmao) . That's what drugs do to you though . . makes you "free" .

As the drugs were comin' off my system (the weed stayed though lol) . . I came to a realization . It's 2010 and I couldn't believe it . I'm about to be 20; exactly 10 years ago, year 2000, I was just a lil' kid at age 10 . . I still remember how year 2000 new years went . . it was such a happy night . . it brought back soo many memories thinkin' 'bout shit . But the most that came into my mind was the fact that sooo many things changed about me during this decade .

The 'change' that hit me the most is probably the fact how I had fun when I was a kid and how I have fun NOW . I can honestly say I wished things never changed . . When the drugs came off at TAO, I felt soo useless . . but then again, I think it was the weed that was just trippin' me out cuz I was smokin' soo much . But yea, as I looked around, I thought to myself "damn, is this the only way people know how to have fun now . . ? Doin' drugs ?" Kinda felt sorry for myself mostly cuz back then, before I was 18, I had HELLA fun doin' the simplest and most 'boring' things . I knew how to keep myself entertained being alone, even if it was every single day of being lonely .

After, TAO, I sort of told myself to calm down on doin' stupid shit . . I needa get my shit together, especially during the recession . . hopefully things will get better . I'm lookin' forward to 2010 A LOT . . even though our economy is still fucked up . . I'ma plan on makin' 2010 waaay better than '09 .

-M.C.